prayers needed......

i was reminded of something yet again today.
how things can change in an instance.
how we have NO control over our life and the things that happen.
how you can walk into the dr's office with pure excitement to see your babies.
and walk out with uncertainty, fear & tears.

this past weekend was one that i will cherish forever.
we drove to tulsa for not one, but TWO showers for our little blessings.
the love that was showered over us was overwhelming.
i could have stayed in tulsa longer to visit more with my family & friends.
but, i must admit, nothing was on my mind more than seeing my boys this morning.
this was going to be the icing on the cake!

we were scheduled for my glucose test, a sono and of course a visit with the dr.
i figured today was going to be like any other visit.
in and out with the normal, 'all 3 of you look good - see ya next time.'
not so much.
today was different.
today i was frightened at the words i heard.
during the sono, she spent a great deal of time in silence.
looking at my cervix.
i had to press on my lower abdomen so she could measure with the added pressure.
the silence was scary.
i knew something wasn't right.
as every time before, she talked the whole time.
i finally questioned the silence.
and that's when she told me my cervix had shortened.
she wouldn't go into detail - just kept saying 'dr. f' will go over this with you.
needless to say -the rest of the sono, which was seeing my boys, measuring my boys and smiling at my boys.
wasn't enjoyable as all i could think about was my cervix and what this meant.

finally we got called back to see the doctor.
my mom asked the nurse what a shortened cervix meant (we couldn't wait a minute longer to find out).
preterm labor.
i started crying.
this was totally not what i had expected to hear today.
all i could think about were my babies, how they aren't ready to come out yet, how they need to stay in there longer.
dr. f came in and briefed me on my situation.
when your body is preparing for labor, your cervix gets shorter.
there is no explanation for why my body is doing this at 27w 4d preggo.
it's just part of it, especially with caring two.

i had the option to be admitted to the hospital to be monitored for my peace of mind.
or, i could be on very restricted bed rest at home.
i chose to be at home.
this means, ki'ya and i in bed all day except to get up to go to the bathroom.
he also did another test on me...i have no idea what it was for as my mind was spinning in all kinds of directions.
all i know is we will get the results tomorrow.
and, hopefully they will be in our favor.

for now, i will pray.
i will pray for AND over these babies.
i will pray that the lord continue to remind me that he is in charge.
that this too, is part of his plan.
i will pray that he reveal to me what it is he wants me to learn from this.
as i am a true believer that in our times of struggles & uncertainty, there is ALWAYS a lesson to be learned.
my ears, my heart, my being is open to receive.
my dearest friend shared with me on the phone today: her two months spent on bed rest were the sweetest time she had with her son. the most she talked to and cried out to the lord. she felt that as hard as it was during this time, it was EXACTLY what she needed.
she needed the time.
to be still.
i too, will be still.