mommy's day.

this is my second mommy's day.
it's so hard for me to find words to describe the love i have for my boys.
to describe what it feels like to be a mother.
the insane love. joy. happiness. that they bring to me each and every single day.
honored and thankful doesn't even cut it.

if i'm being honest {which i am} i would have to tell you that i haven't had the most fantastic. over the top. perfect mother's day.
neither my first.
nor my second.

now don't get me wrong.
my loved ones {adam and my mom and larry} have done everything in their power to make it perfect for me.
it's been the circumstances that have hindered this special day.
last year i had two brand.spanken.new babies.
and i had hit my wall right around mother's day.
i was coming down off the high that i was on.
the hormones were raging.
and i was a crying mess of a new mommy.
so, although i was extatic for being a mom.
it just wasn't my day.

fast forward to today.
what's got me troubled today?
the fact that it's my last mommy's day in texas.
the fact that it's my last sunday in texas.
the fact that all of our memories. traditions. sunday dinners with my mom. all come to a screeching halt today.
so, while i am trying to enjoy. be thankful. and love everything about this day.
i am sad beyond words.

i am going to miss my momma more than i can ever explain.
she and larry have been my rock.
my back bone.
my go-to for so may nights and weekends.
our number one babysitters {ok, our ONLY babysitters here in texas}.

and my boys.
it brings me so much joy to watch them grow closer and closer to them.
to watch that bond form.
i pray that even with the distance, that bond won't be broken.
never. ever. be broken.

we spent the afternoon enjoying lunch and playing in the water.
tonight we will all spend dinner together.
i will try my best to make the most of it.
i will not bring these feelings up.
nor this post.
as i'm not one to talk about this kind of stuff.
i will write all day.
but not talk.

i try not to talk about this move.
or my feelings regarding this move.
i have done a pretty darn good job of ignoring the whole damn thing.
{and anyone and everyone who has been trying to get ahold of me. sorry. when i'm not in a happy place. i hide. ignore. sulk....i know, not healthy. i'm trying to get better}.
but as we are coming to the end of our ride here in texas.
as we are going thru closets to purge the old.
i'm having a hard time denying this anymore.
as we have approached our last sunday in texas.
i'm having a hard time ignoring this move.

people tell me change is good.
and to look at this as an adventure.
today i'm having a hard time believing or grasping either of those statements.
today, this move is tearing me apart.
i'm praying tomorrow will bring me a new.fresh.light on this whole thing.

but what i am going to do today is hug my mommy tight.
and tell her i love her.
and am so incredibly thankful for her.
and pray that this will not be our last mommy's day together.
and be thankful for today.
although it's our last sunday together.
we were indeed together.
playing. laughing. hav'n fun in the sun.