i can officially say, i am that mom.
that mom with the screaming kid{s} at the gym.
never would i have thought this day would come.
the whole time my boys have been alive they have been cared for by myself, the hubby, or grandparents.
the.end.period.
they have never been left with strangers.
yes, this means....
we have never dropped them off at the church nursery.
never dropped them off at the gym's daycare.
never have they been watched by a stranger.
never.
when the hubby approached me with the job opportunity which would eventually relocate us to the cleve.
i tried to find the positives.
one of which, it would FORCE me out of my bubble in which we had been living in.
i know we lived in it.
i'm the first one to admit it.
and the bubble treated us very well.
but the boys were getting of age.
we were out of flu/rsv season.
it was time to expand our wings and fly alittle bit.
we were going to be FORCED to find a stranger to watch our precious babies.
i had so desperately missed {but not bad enough to put the boys in the daycare} the gym.
i was going to FORCE myself to go to the gym...and yes, leave the boys.
and we were going to find a church home.
those were my three main goals.
church. gym. babysitter/nanny.
and i dove right in.
the third week we were here {inlaws were here the first week and my mom was here the second}.
we started with the gym.
the day i went to sign up i left the boys for maybe 10 minutes.
all of which they were playing and having a ball.
i sat in there with them the rest of the time.
the second day {first official workout day} was yet another success.
mommy got to feel that burn she had missed so much.
and the boys got to run and play with new toys.
and then it happened.
the third day. and the forth day. and the fifth day.
complete and utter chaos.
i mean, screaming from the second i put them down until the second i went back in there to get them.
the gym is supposed to relieve stress.
it's supposed to be my time.
but this whole experience has brought on way more stress. anxiety. stomach in knots. than i think it's worth.
and not to mention the people working.
i'm pretty sure they already hate us.
like dread the sight of us.
they say to keep going.
that they {in particular holden} will get used to it.
that this is good for them.
really?!
because i'm pretty sure it breaks my heart in ways i didn't know where possible.
because i'm pretty sure it breaks my heart in ways i didn't know where possible.
just when i FINALLY got the nerve to do this...
this is what i get?!?
this is what i get?!?
please, someone tell me something positive!
It will get better. Alan was almost expelled from St. Andrew's MDO as the first day I came back to get him, he was sitting in a playpen outside the nursery door so the other babies could sleep. It took awhile, but he learned that I would be back for him. It didn't happen again until I went to work and he was in first grade. He was walking out and heading home when they caught him. The only time I remember Adam screaming was for babysitters. Everyone will survive this but I remember how bad I felt but we all needed it. I only left the boys one day a week until they were 3-4.
ReplyDeleteBarbara
Cohen never cried a SINGLE bit with babysitters or nursery... until he was 2 1/2. And now. WOAH boy he screams and not only that but is actually SAYING mommy noooo don't leave me. Freaking awful.
ReplyDeleteBut this I know.
You can't be a good mommy without your own self care too. You are going through a lot and if some time alone in the gym sweating out your worries is what it takes. The boys are (even with some tears) ultimately better off. Things will improve. You're a great Mommy!
It does get better...promise. It's pretty normal. Look at care.com as far as a babysitter/nanny goes. It's nation wide. I've used it and found a fantastic babysitter I can call on a moments notice.
ReplyDelete