am i really ready for this?
i have been waiting for this day for forever.
it's here....and i feel as if i am as ready as i can be.
after all, my life for the last 2.5 mths has been fully devoted to caring for, nurturing, and incubating these two precious gifts.
i have already given up my life for these boys.
so, why would i even ask myself if i am ready for this?
of course i am.
but, truth be told, i'm scared.
they are so sheltered in my belly.
they are protected from all harm and evil.
they are protected from this world and all that comes with it.
how will i protect them when they are outside?
i love these little guys more than life itself already.
i don't even know them yet and i ache for them.
i ache to hold them.
to smell them.
to kiss them.
to tell them face to face how much I LOVE THEM.
to tell them how much their daddy and i prayed for them.
and how it took some time but, when it wasn't about us - God was faithful and gave us the best gifts ever!
but, i will also miss this time we have shared.
these past 36 weeks and 5 days.
it's just been the 3 of us.
it hasn't been the easiest, but i wouldn't have traded it for the world.
it will NEVER again be just the 3 of us.
i will forever have to share them after today.
i will miss them moving in my belly.
i will miss how when music is on, they come alive.
and when their daddy talks to them, they come alive.
i will miss being their sole provider.
the one and only person they have counted on.
but, i am ready to meet them.
i am ready to see who they look like.
what color hair will they have?
what color will their complexion's be?
will they come out dark skinned and dark hair like i did?
or, blond and fair-ish skin like their daddy did?
will they be healthy?
will they have to go to the NICU?
how will i handle that?
all these questions.
all these thoughts.
all will be unfolded today.
yes, today is the day...April 26, 2010.
the day that adam and i are no longer just a married couple, but will become a family.
we will become parents.
we have been given the utmost gift from our Father.
He has trusted us with His children.
we're forever grateful.
I AM READY TO MEET MY BOYS.
my best friend, sara, has a co-worker/friend, (whom i have never met) that has been following our story and has been praying for all of us since she heard about our pregnancy. she emailed me this past week when she found out that my joy had turned into fear (the c-section was really getting to me, plus just the reality of everything as it got closer and closer). the emails left me in tears and still gets me chocked up when i re-read them. she finished her last email to me with a prayer for me....i wanted to share.....
My prayer for you is that you will experience a love like no other, a love that makes you weep as you hold your babies and smell their skin while kissing their tiny faces. I pray that you will see God's love in your children's eyes and hear His whispers in their peaceful sighs. May you enjoy the blessing of motherhood. When you are exhausted and feel like you can't make it thru the day, I hope you will watch your boys as they sleep and realize that the same God that gives them peace and calm is the God that loves you and will give these things to you, too... along with the strength that you need for the day. Remember that their love for you is unconditional...they believe in you and they have no expectations of you...your love is all they need. At the end of the day, it will not matter if there is laundry piled up on the bathroom floor or if there are dishes stacked in the kitchen sink! When everyone is telling you that you are holding them too much and that you are going to "spoil" them, I hope you will hold them anyway and enjoy every second of it! There will come a day when they will not want to be held and you will miss it.
thanks jana!
and thanks sara for sharing my story with such an amazing woman - you're very lucky to have her in your life, as i am too!
ok, my friends and family....we're off to meet these bundles of joy.
and when fear and nerves TRY to take over when i get to the hospital, i will quietly call on His name as i will not allow the devil to ruin this joyous experience, as 'fear is not of the Lord.'
pics. names. stats.
all coming shortly.
I'M SOOOO EXCITED, I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT!!!! =)
***i warned you at the beginning of this novel that it was going to be ALL over the place. ***
No comments:
Post a Comment